i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
