The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
