Yo dont text me then not text me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
