she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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