I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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