Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
