Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
