You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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