I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
