think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
