Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your cock deserves a montage
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
