i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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