honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
