Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
