I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
