would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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