My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
