Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
