he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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