so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
