ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He better not be in your backpack
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize