i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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