question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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