C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im six kinds of drunk right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
