So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As shirtless as possible
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
