If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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