I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
