My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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