Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We left an ass print on the piano.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize