I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
