You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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