I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my shit smells like andre
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
