people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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