she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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