She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
