Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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