I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
