It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
