U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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