Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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