Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
