oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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