he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The power of my boobs compel you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
