just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
