Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
