Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think my fart just growled at me.
worst night to have a conscience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
