Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
