i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Panties = found
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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