Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
