She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize