So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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