So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
