I have demons in me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
