Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize