She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
