as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
