we have officially lost it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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