but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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