OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
