You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
