Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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