he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize