On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
