whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
