This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i out mim tonsoeep
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