I got chris browned last night
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
