Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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