I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
