oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
