my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
