are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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