dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
