No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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