We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Shame - the story of my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
